Adderall Slowly Took

Over My Life

JULY 28, 2022

Watching my own transformation has been beautiful, but there are undulations in this journey.

The path is far from linear, filled with ups, and downs.

The goal, of course, is for the line of best fit to be trending upward.

Keeping it REAL, and you're going to all see a lot more authenticity from me... (no fluff content)

My stimulant use has gotten to the point where I'm making a dramatic change with intention.

I've been struggling hard with the caffeine, modafinil, and occasional bouts of kratom here and there.

Ultimately, I would go to bed, a complete shell of myself.

To top it all off, I would lie awake staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning trying to sleep, but of course, the lingering stimulatory effects of the Adderall kept me awake.

So when I woke up the next day, I’d feel like absolute garbage.

… and so what did I do?

I repeated the same damn cycle over and over again.

And of course, as my tolerance went up, the doctors prescribed me higher and higher dosages, which made the side effects even more merciless.

So why not stop taking it, Neal?

LOL.

At the time, this wasn’t even an option.

If I wanted to be a productive member of society, I NEEDED the Adderall and my logic was...

Since the Doctors prescribed it to me, it had to be safe…

Right?Wrong.

In a 3 year period, I became addicted, I ended up overdosing, and by God’s grace, I am here to tell the tale.

As I came off Adderall, I knew that I NEEDED to enhance my own cognition in a safer way...

It's crazy to me that what began as “small dependencies” to focus and eliminate the brain fog turned into a vicious cycle of physically NEEDING it every moment of my life in order to function.

To find out that the pill I once believed to be innocent [I know many reading this blog post felt the same way about it...] came with debilitating side effects — Anxiety, mood swings, bizarre behavior, and uncontrollable mood swings…

That I didn’t realize were slowly turning my life into shambles, until it was too late.

Looking back, I was completely addicted, self-medicating my sadness away with a pharmaceutical cocktail.

After I overdosed, I had to make the most influential decision of my life.

To make a change.

The realization that I had was that if I got myself into this mess,

I could get myself out of this mess.